So, a pastor heard me play piano and asked where I was playing.
I understood his question was really about my church.
Upon learning of our recent change in station and life
That means I am not playing for church, he offered me a job where he pastors.
My heart jumped.
I was flattered…it meant the gift was intact.
I do miss sharing the music God gives me.
For the first time in years I have an option of where I play.
But it’s not that easy.
The church is 40 minutes away…
We would not be able to attend our new church which has welcomed us graciously.
And their needs present real, possible conflicts with the availability of our one car.
Then there is me.I am finally getting used to the idea of a non-stressed existence.
I’m not sure I’m ready to go back to the stress
Of weekly responsibility of the church musician.
But I do miss it:
The hair on the back of my neck standing up when God’s spirit infuses the music,
The quiet joy of a good performance
And yes, the feel of sharing the music inside of me.
Yet I am held back, at the same time understanding this church’s expressed need.
I do need to rest. I need time from the weekly responsibility.
Are the things pushing me just the ego building things?
And when, if ever, does retreat become selfish neglect of sharing God’s gifts?
So, God, there it is… my worries and things pulling at me.
The need to both rest and perform, to de-stress yet use my talents.
I’m afraid the appreciation, acceptance, and approval is what draws me,
Not the opportunity to serve You – that means I will quickly burn out.
God, show me the way, purify my motives.
Supply this church’s need if it’s not mine to do.
Help me know where the best place is for me right now.
In Your time show me.