An Ungratefully Received Gift

When life changes quickly and unexpectedly the foundations are shaken.
And while I accepted and see God’s hand and wisdom in this last upheaval,
I’m very uncertain of the direction the rest of my life is heading – what it will look like.

So with that in mind, I have had a series of really strange dreams.
As each season comes, I dream about the things I will not be doing this year.
Many have brought feelings of release from the pressure of responsibility.

Spring brought a dream of about Bible School that ended in vulnerable tears on my part.
I dreamed about being presented to a group to make a speech and presenting a concert.
And I dream of being disciplined for errors at some unfamiliar workplace.

I know, there is nothing deep, dark, or a mental illness represented here,
But, again, with that in mind, I began to dream about presenting a Christmas Play.
This is the time of year I begin if I’m writing a new play for any given year.

And I rebelled. I woke up in the middle of it, and said,
“A Christmas play! I will not dream about this.” I went back to sleep. The dream continued.
In rebellion, I woke up again. “I will not dream about that stress. It was fun.”

The third time I woke up enough to think about the play
And realized I didn’t recognize the play –
And I laughed and muttered to myself, “God is giving me a new play!”

And now, I have a new Christmas play to write.
It’s the comedy-drama thing I enjoy writing.
God was trying to give me a gift – and I was about to refuse it.

God was helping me understand how ungrateful I’d become in my worry about the future.
God took care of my family in such a dramatic way and brought me to a quiet place
Just when I didn’t know how much longer I could continue doing what I was doing.

As my husband wondered if his current form of ministry
Was drawing to completion,
God provided the next step.

And I have allowed myself to unnecessarily revisit the natural worry
That comes with big, fast changes in life – good or bad.
I have allowed worry to become fretting.

Now, I don’t expect all the worry will dissipate in an instant,
But I will resurrect a practice from the past when I let go of things I couldn’t control.
As soon as the fretful dream comes, or worry pops up, I know what to do.

I’ll immediately turn to God, give the worry to him, and wait for instructions.
Meanwhile, I’ll allow myself to be bathed in grateful thankfulness for the new way of life God has given me;
And learn to recognize God’s new gifts and the new ways He is sending them.

“Fret Not Yourself,” is one translation of “Don’t worry about ….” Apostle Paul told his readers.

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