I had to play well.
It was important to a lot of people.
And I didn’t want to intrude
By playing so badly
People saw the pianist instead of
Worshiping with the music.
With God’s help
And a practiced concentration, I was able
To simplify the music to match the stress,
Get beyond the tears, shut out the crowd so pressed
I was nearly sharing my piano bench,
And contribute my part.
Apart from my own grief, I thought I was fine.
But my dreams said differently.
I dreamed I was at work entering codes
To log into the computer and phone systems
But I couldn’t.
The codes and where to enter them simply eluded me.
I noted others were having problems,
Sympathized, and found my documentation.
But the equipment wouldn’t let me
Do what the paperwork directed.
I worked and worked,
Until panic and dispair set in.
Finally we were told it was a test
To see who would persevere
And who would walk away.
I awoke amused at myself,
Realizing I’d deceived myself.
I’d covered the stress and convinced myself I didn’t feel it.
I searched the scriptures
And came across the disciples
Experience of Christ at the mount of transfiguration.
They saw him change; everything was changing,
As are my own shifting foundations.
And this occasion was another proof.
And when stripped of all my masks,
I share the disciples’ reaction –
Fear of changes now and future changes.
God got my attention through a dream.
And once again I realized
There is only one way I can face it all.
I concentrated and looked for the fear.
I weighed it, worried and cried out for wisdom.
The bottom line is I’m afraid
I can’t cope at all,
Or change fast enough to be useful
When things change in a blink of an eye.
After identifying that,
I took it to God.
Now we’re working on
Releasing that fear
So it doesn’t hamper joyful life.
And once again God’s grace shines through.
Christ is seen as a Spirit in the presence of
Old Testament prophets, and the disciples react in fear.